Chapter 49 – Blond bane of doom

Author’s note: Thanks for all the help with my writing guys, I have realized a few things and I’ll try implementing them.
There’s still a long road ahead of me, but I’ll try my best to improve. Once again, thank you for your contribution.

Sara: My answer is… no.

Huh? Why?
Am I not allowed to even say sorry?

Icicle: Listen, I would like to apologize in some way, can’t you just give me a chanc-

What’s happening?
Why is the whole world vibrating?

I felt dizzy, then as if something broke, I blacked out.

*huff* *huff* *gasp*

You probably think “what the hell happened to you”?
Well, I woke up…

‘Holy shit, this is some exquisite quality dream… I don’t think my subconscious can be more clear than that…’

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Announcement – Help me improve my writing style

If you’re thinking this is a post about hiatus, rewrite or dropping the story, IT IS NOT, so don’t panic.

Edit: Thanks to Fyx from royalroad for making me realize what I have been lacking or should I say, stopped using!
Fufufu, this will make the next chapters much more interesting, I’ll definitely edit the other chapters to fit without changing the plot when I’m free.

TL/DR: I need help to improve my writing. Any suggestions, pointers at what’s exactly bad and needs to be improved are helpful and very much appreciated.

This is not a rant, more like a plea for assistance/guidance, so if you do decide to read, read it until the end.

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Chapter 48 – Comfort

During Icicle’s sleep, Loiterous, Raren City’s coliseum

Princess Saress’s POV

Princess Saress: Are we still not done with the day off? Just how long will it take to finish the paperwork?

Attendant: We’re doing what we can, princess. There just hasn’t been a precedent where the ruler gives his or hers people a holiday.

Princess Saress: I want to be very clear with you, Carret. If you guys won’t be able to pull it off, then all of our heads will roll. You do realize that, don’t you?

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Chapter 47 – Much needed rest

Princess Saress: What are you spacing out for? Get going.

First this red hair is showing me ruthlessness like that, and now she’s asking why I’m spacing out?!
I’m concerned, that’s why!

*sigh* I need to calm down, judges are still here.
Dropping on one knee, I tried sounding solemn.

Icicle: Thank you for all that you have done, princess.

Getting a little flustered, Saress answered as if nothing ever happened.

Princess Saress: You seem to get the wrong idea, Icicle. I didn’t do it for you, but for myself. Remember what we talked about? I’m not going to stay the same spoiled girl. Even if it’s the church, I won’t let them undermine my authority. If that’s clear for you then get out. I’ve got a mess to clean up.

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Chapter 46 – Resolve

This chapter is 6500+ words, hope you enjoy the read.

Travelling through the busy streets of Raren City, I slowly made my way towards the coliseum.
With four girls in tow, I was quite easily spotted by many faces.
Before I even managed to get to the coliseum, I had a small crowd following me…

You’re probably wondering what do I mean by small crowd.
Well, compared to the one following me when I made my grand entrance with the undead cavalry, at least I hope it was grand, there was like half of the city following me.
I’m probably exaggerating, but that’s how it looked on the first glance.

Anyways, I made it to the entrance, where Frizz and Kylt were conducting their “business”.

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Chapter 45 – Reminiscence part 2

Author’s note: Thanks for the comments guys, on reddit, royalroad and here, on the blog. I realized that I can show the girls’ adventures in the side stories. Well, at least I could show how they look…

I’ve just been posted on webfictionguide, you can vote for my story here: Vote for Loiterous! (there’s a link on the right side of the site too.)

Anyways, enough of the ramblings, enjoy the chapter.

Sylph: So, I started the training at-

Icicle: Could we leave that for another time, Clare?

Huh? Didn’t he want me to tell it himself?!

Sylph: Why…?

Feeling a little concerned, I waited anxiously for my brother’s answer.

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Chapter 44 – Reminiscence part 1

Author’s note: I would like to thank the person who got me into writing, Paradox.
I wasn’t sure if I am cut out for it, but he encouraged me and here we are.
If you’re looking for a novel to read, you might check his blog: Paradox’s blog

Another thanks are directed to OutspanFoster for putting my chapters on reddit and creating some kind of authors’ community. You can find his novel here: Outspanfoster’s blog

End of the sellout mode…

Here you go, long awaited chapter 44. Enjoy the read.

Clare’s POV

Sylph: Well then, let’s start at the very beginning…

Preparing for the launch of Loiterous, I called my friends, ensuring that we know of each other’s nicknames, in case we end up split up.
I didn’t even think of the possibility that our names might be taken…

Anyways, connecting to Loiterous, I heard the female NPC’s voice.
I was a little confused at first, but after a moment it came to me that I’m in the character creation screen.
With a clear image in mind, I wanted to create an elf version of me, unfortunately, it was not possible.
Being forced to take the human race, I didn’t want to maky any modifications.
Typing in my name, Sylph, I created my character.

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