Important news – rewrite

Read till the end before you get disappointed.

First things first, I’m not dropping the story.

I’ve been mulling over it for quite some time and finally decided to make a final step – it’s time to improve.
Sometimes it’s better to let go, but no, unless I get struck by lightning or am sent to help Sisyphus roll the large stone to the top of the hill, I won’t drop Loiterous.

The story itself has an enormous potential, it’s just that my inexperience and stubborn first-person way of writing ruined it.

Okay, down to the questions I’ll probably be asked.

Why don’t you at least finish the current arc?

It’s actually pretty simple, there’s no point. With the characters popping left and right you’ll feel like it’s forced, making you read introductions of characters that span 2-3 chapters, when it can be done in a paragraph with third-person style.

With the way it was going, if I wanted to show all of the plot, I would probably have to write to the day I die and even that might not be sufficient. First-person taught me that it’s hard to show many things, especially what third-person excells in, showing us the true wondros feeling of reading – you are well aware of what other people think.

When can we expect the new chapters?

I would say at most in two weeks of time, although I’ll be busy during this upcoming month, there should be enough time for me to write at a decent pace, it’s all about the preparations though. First arc will be crucial.

Will something change or should we wait until the rewrite catches up?

A lot of things will change from the get-go. Players will finally make an appearance (instead of the current “ghost town”), there will be much more interaction between guilds, more of the world, better descriptions, more of Icicle’s organization, the devs and their motivation, how the things (mechanics) work and so on (I couldn’t show it in first person since Icicle didn’t know that).

Stats will also change. There will no longer be hundreds and thousands, it will go down exponentially, in the lines of 50 strength equals super elite early game player. All in all, it will be easier for the eyes and the brain.

Aren’t you afraid of adding too much? It can become a mumble-jumble.

That thought crossed my mind, but right now I have actually added too little. As a matter of fact, I would like some people to volunteer! You can become a beta reader or as I like to call it “quality checker”. Write me an email at if you would like to participate. What I expect is that you share your experience after reading the chapter with me, for example “it was good/bad/so-so” and why do you feel that way. It really helps me understand things.

Okay, that’s enough of my rambling, any questions, grievances like “improve this and that” are most welcome, I’ll feel bad for a day and then improve, trust me, that is the best feeling in the world for an earnest author.

I’ll keep the previous chapters to make a “how-not-to write”.


50 thoughts on “Important news – rewrite

  1. So, you will rewrite the whole thing… the first chapter will appear in 2 weeks time right? i guess chapters will be released with more frecuency since a base is already there i hope…
    Also i hope you dont remove characters or at least maintain nyuva, the queen naga.

    Any idea how long you estimate it will take for you to reach the current ark in the academy with the rewrite? or you will be changing the story?? If i were to guess it will be at least 2 months before you rewrite 70 chapters


    • That’s hard to say, next month I’ll have to take care of my younger sister, so I will have less time writing, but, I should at least be able to keep a 3 chapters a week routine once I start.
      Nothing’s for certain though.

      The crucial part will the beginning, I need to plan it thoroughly, then it should pick up.

      When will we reach the current chapter? No idea, your guess might be accurate, probably around chapter 70. But, depending on which “real life route” I will take, it may differ a little.

      The characters will be kept, some side characters that appeared once and for no reason may be cut or shown later, we shall see. Main cast stays + there will be more.


  2. Well i liked current story to about 70-80 chapters then u started to lose your confidence and it became like that. Anyway lets see how will look new story but i hope it still would have good main character. I liked Icicle a lot. And i pray for good story,not ‘normal’ one. ^^


  3. I hope you won’t lose your motivation, good luck 🙂

    and as much as I would like to help I’m not the best choice when it comes to constructive criticisms
    but I’m sure we will enjoy re-reading the story so for now I’ll do what I’m the best at and watch everything happening around me without understanding anything


  4. so this is going to be pretty much the difference between what we get from something like a web novel and a light novel where the overall concept is the same but the way its shown is different from each other?


  5. Yo!

    Nice story, actually don’t know where is the big problem in your current writing style, one thing for certain, you should stop struggling between 2 different approaches to story writing 🙂 You can’t chose between DETAILED and SHOW WHAT IS IMPORTANT style. When you start to show structures inside, how they work, you go for detailed style, but at the same time you try to minimize whole explanation which leaves, lets say, bad aftertaste 🙂 At first you didn’t explain how this looked, what people are saying and so on, but now you try to explain how they live in Loiterous, which may be good for one of styles, but still, you mess everything up once again 🙂

    My suggestion is to continue current story and not rewrite it. Maybe you should just try to say what are differences between real world and Loiterous and not write the whole explanation which is 70-100% of what is in real world.


    • Ahhh… I forgot the main thing to say, don’t try to express everything you come up with, it’s impossible 🙂 seriously, you can describe person it few chapters starting from how his trousers look like and how many teeth they have and what color they are, but do you really need it? 😀 sometimes, you can show very much with just showing how they react, I think good example is Nuyva 🙂


      • Yeah, I learned that during the way, almost half a year of writing taught me a lot, in the rewrite I’ll try not to focus on too much of either style, since the story needs something unique, there’s always imbalance.

        As much as I like the all-rounders, such authors are far in between.


    • It won’t do because I omitted too much in the early chapters. I honestly thought it’s remediable, but it isn’t.

      I know how it seems from a reader perspective, but from an author’s? That’s like a death sentence if you constantly need to remind something to your viewers. It means you haven’t shown something clearly.


  6. When I read this i felt really sad. That was for about five seconds and after that I actually felt happy about this decision.
    I really see a lot of potential in this story but to be honest I feel it wasn’t a good choice to have all this POVs (actually after chapter 95 I said to myself “if the next two chapters are more POVs and no Icicle POV I might stop reading this story. I am happy I didn’t).
    I have a few advices for you now that you are doing this.
    First of all a lot of people might stop reading until you reach this point again.I might or might not be one of this people, I don’t know but for now I will keep reading this. For this reason I recommend you to put an actual date when you think the new story will reach this point and if you delay more in that day make an announcement with a new date. ]So all that readers can come back that day and know the new day they have to come (or just be really happy because you are actually at this point of the story).
    My second advice is to take your time and make a good (perfect) story. All masterpieces take their time to write (and I hope this will be one). It is better to make less chapters a week but with a better story.
    For the beta reading I will have to pass because I don’t know if I will be able to be available when you need it but you might see advices from me in the comments sometime if I see something to point out.
    About this advices I will start now.
    First I think the more interesting POVs were the Icicle’s (kind of obvious) and the Lisa’s.
    Second I think there were some useless ones like the black market chapter. I think that full chapter could have been written in four paragraphs.
    Third I think you should focus on the Icicle story and not all the parallel stories. Mention other stories a chapter before they will have an impact on Icicle even if you break the timeline. You don’t have to write all the story following the same timeline. This is my opinion other readers might think different, I don’t know. I think this way you will eliminate the POVs problem and make the reading better adding the content you feel that is necessary for the story.
    And last (for now) it’s interesting to have an OP MC compared to other people but remember to put challenges for him and make at least some fights he can’t win at the first time (or he can’t win at all). If it is not like that the story will become boring sooner or later.
    I know I had something more to say but my lack of memory is not allowing me to remember so this will be all.
    I wish you the best luck with the story (and with everything else too, always is good some luck) and I will be waiting your writing.
    PS: If you want my opinion in something else or you think you have to ask me something about what I said here do it, I will check it later.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I covered most of those already, I have two lists with points written down, but yeah, I’ll try to keep introducing characters down to minimum. Otherwise I would have to write Loiterous for the rest of my life.

      Black market chapter was for the location and I was tired as shit, so I kept on going until it actually took the whole chapter. So yeah…

      Icicle’s “powerspike” will be curbed down. Reasonably OP (requires some decent effort), that’s what I would call it.

      About the timeline, yup, I’ll keep it in mind, thank you for that.

      Referring to black market once again, in third-person it could definitely be written in four paragraphs.

      If I were to speculate, we should reach Academy arc much sooner, probably chapters 40-60 (that’s an estimate, no idea how long will it exactly take).

      Last thing – perfect story. No such stories exist. Even Tolkien took 20 years to create LOTR, but it’s nowhere near perfect. You can put your mind into the book, but not your soul. How to say it differently? In your mind it looks much grander, epic, you feel the vibe from the characters (if you’re in that special trance which rarely happens). Ink and paper can move people, but there will never be a perfect story, simply because we humans differ in opinions. Some of us look for more, some look for less.
      It’s hard to balance your story, often it has a quirk that you recognize it by – for example I Shall Seal The Heavens has that perfection vibe, MC always strives to become the extraordinary being.

      Alright, enough of ranting, I’m off to bed.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. guess this is where i stop reading, every rewrite i ever read ended up pissing me off so i would rather leave now and remember how it is now then sully that by getting upset with either how long it takes to rewrite or some change down the line that i didnt expect.

    thank you for all the work till now…..


    • Well, this is sad as you were one of the earliest readers. At least those commenting.

      I get the point about the rewrite though. I was reading many stories that ended that way and it’s hard to believe anything can succeed after rewrite. However, as I was constantly driving myself into a corner, it was either that or a complete drop.
      I simply wasn’t able to show what I wanted because of lack of experience. It wasn’t remediable because too many things were lacking.

      I’m not striving for perfection, because with my current skill it’s impossible, but it would be nice to have “something”.

      I still remember your encouragement in one of the posts, it kept me going for quite some time. However, here it’s either “anything” or nothing. Tough call but a necessary one.
      I can only hope it becomes a good novel and encourages you to read ;p


      • if it goes as planned i will prob be back but not any time soon since unless there is drastic changes to the story i wouldn’t want to wait that long to re-read what i already read

        So who knows i might come back eventually 🙂 and always remember just have fun with it don’t be afraid to change things rather than just small tweaks

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Actually “first-person way of writing” never even intends to tell you everything. It would even be really contraproductive if it would. There is no real story where everything is know. A single person can only know that much.

    To tell you the truth I even like first-person writings better because you can’t know everything and other things are just the mcs “view”.

    I would recommend a good story with first person view if I knew one in english… But sadly I don’t read that much english books. What I can tell you is that I know a really good story with now 16 published books that has a first person view and it isn’t episodic, but a contiuing story.

    Good luck to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, I realized it too, but it was too late. I have already done other POVs and connected characters randomly instead of through the story.

      Thanks for the comment, I appreciate the support.


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