Table of Contents

What I currently work on, new version of Loiterous – Current chapters

 

The beginning of my writing adventure, for anyone interested. Saved out of sentiment –Old version

 

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52 thoughts on “Table of Contents

    • After using google translate, I understood that you read all the chapters and are waiting for more. I do appreciate it. There should be a chapter today.

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  1. This is GREAT! Well, I comment too much in the latest chapter so I won’t say much here, lol~ 🙂

    — Thanks for the great read! Well, I’ll be following till the end kukuku…. Or if it would reach there ^^.

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  2. A great read! Hope you re-make or edit the story when your finished, since it seems more like a fanfic then a story. (ie. Icicle finding out that Cindy was a Guild Master and not just a Secretary) Adding more detail to the story/making it more realistic.

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    • I tried to foreshadow it a little with her being a judge in the duel between Icicle and Ivir, but yeah, I know that descriptions could use some work. I made it so to try to express the state of mind Icicle’s currently in, we’ll see how I do. If I won’t be able to show it properly later on in the story, I’ll definitely add some more details in the first chapters.

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  3. Its a very nice story, plese keep writing.

    I would like a place were we can see everybody sheets, since I cannot remember the last chapters were you have displayed it for every character.

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  4. i really liked loiterous but got a little turned off by how the way you wrote it before, as first person pov is so limited of a view for writing, it was really hard to understand the story w/o any kind of context to other things such as the locations, skills or other characters, so I was really overjoyed when you said youd rewrite it using diff perspective, i cant wait to read it again pls keep up the good work and show us more of your beautiful mind

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  5. honestly i prefer the old version so far, i like ice magic. unless he gets hardcore mode turned off soon so he can level properly im probably always going to think that the new version is crap compared to the old one.

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    • Everyone’s entitled to an opinion. I liked the old version for overpoweredness as well, but if you want to write a proper story you can’t keep it up forever.

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  6. Me gusta la version antigua, y ahora que lo estás reescribiendo… No creo que lo siga leyendo…. Seguramente a los nuevos lectores les gustará la nueva version, pero para mi que leí la anterior… Volver al principio es como si te saltara un anuncio de GameOver… Matas mi interés en leer la historia, sobre todo si haces grandes cambios… Lo entendería si sólo fuesen cambios superficiales. Es mi humilde opinión, nada importante. Perdón por escribir en español.

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    • That’s fine, I respect that. I made huge changes because reading the same thing twice seems redundant to me. I chose a selfish way to improve instead of keeping with the old story, so I deserve that.
      Thanks for reading so far.

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    • Because I didn’t have room to introduce the events I wanted. First person for a beginner writer is already hard, I had like 15 characters to introduce with at least 5 ongoing events. There was simply no way I could have shown that, so I decided to rewrite instead of dropping the project.

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  7. Great story! 😀

    Stumbled on Loiterous after catching up to current with “tdadp” over on rebirth. Was overjoyed to find your wordpress site had a couple extra chapters up. Holy Cow man you wrote it in first person originally?!?!? The rewrite is a lot smoother and engaging so props for biting the bullet on changing the perspective.

    The Dev’s are perfect I laughed so hard. A lot of vrmmo stories fob plot contrivances off either never explaining why the MC was forced down a route by the game, or by making everyone else a bit stupid so the MC can shine playing the game in a way no one else does. You have a good balance between the Dev’s as foil, the MC, and everyone else.

    One last thing the flips to real life are going pretty well. I’ve seen a couple vrmmo novels lately that don’t really remain true in RL to the characterizations and narrative laid out “in game”. Glad the MC is not role playing and is instead just being himself.

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    • I tried to use more fantasy element this time around, but when I read other stories most of the time real life is boring or completely irrelevant. I didn’t make it too relevant here yet, because the story is still lacking a prologue, but we’re getting there.

      I simply do not think you can just make a VR story anymore and engage everyone in just that. Even LMS has somewhat relevant real life.

      As for the Devs, yeah, I enjoy them too. Although I do get complaints like “kill that dev bitch”. Oh well, I guess not everyone likes them ;p

      Biting the bullet was hard – but a necessary step.

      Thanks for reading 🙂

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  8. lol love how you say you write for your fans but the vast majority seem too like the old version better. still waiting to see anything resembling the original right now you could name this anything else noone would know this had anything to do with loiterous so you know you might want to fix that. oh and if you could write some chapters for the old version thatd be nice gets boring reading it after 50 times with no new chapters.

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    • Any other wishes, m’lord? Seriously? If the majority you speak of is a bunch of people just like you, then I’m glad I rewrote. I had my doubts, since I chose to self-improve instead of writing crap for “action/harem” starved people, but now I don’t. Thanks for that.

      As for your question – something resembling the old version – most is changed – 1. people don’t like reading the same thing
      2. I can’t make it the same because the older version was a one-man show without other players.

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      • yea people like me which judging by the numbers seems to be alot of people on rl your numbers took a big loss so it appears the new version isnt as likeable as you like to think feel free to wallow in your excuses and dellusions though . =)

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        • My numbers in rrl are exactly the same as they were before. If anything, they are fluctuating on the + side.

          As for the new version, it is what it is. Not everyone will be happy. That’s obvious.

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  9. Hey, just wanted to say thanks for keeping up with this. I stopped reading when you decided to rewrite because I wanted to wait until you got back to the same point, since I thought it would be the exact same story. I just came back to it yesterday and I have to say your rewrite reads a lot easier than the previous one. I pretty much just wanted to say thanks and complain about how I’m going to be stuck refreshing this page whenever the countdown gets to zero days to go.

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      • Quick question, are you planning to add to the rewrite those romcom hijinks or are you leaving them out? That one chapter where everyone just sent him messages and Lisa getting all jelly was a bit funny and fluffy to me.

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        • If you refer to Lisa’s two buddies and her “overwatching” his adventures, then they’re in, although it’s different from the previous version.

          Without spoilering, I can tell you that they’ll appear later in the story.

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